4.2 Emotion Management

4.2.1 Emotional First Aid (情绪急救)

Dr. Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist, author, and in-demand keynote speaker whose books have been translated into 24 languages. His first TED Talk, Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid has been viewed over 5 million times and is rated as the #5 most inspiring TED Talk of all time on ted.com He also writes the popular Squeaky Wheel Blog on Psychology Today.com (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel) and he has dabbled in stnad-up comedy. His website is www.guywinch.com. You can view his TED Talks here: https://www.ted.com/speakers/guy_winch

Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts

4.2.2 How To Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons

About the author: Albert Ellis(1913-2007) held M.A and Ph.D. degrees in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University. He was the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), the pioneering form of the modern Cognitive Behavior therapies. He was the president of the Albert Ellis Institute in New York, where he practiced individual and group psychotherapy, supervised and trained psychotherapists, and presented many talks and workshops at the Institute and throughout the world. He published over seven hundred articles and more than sixty books on psychotherapy, marital and family therapy, and sex therapy.

4 fatal “Overly”:

  1. Anxious
  2. Angry
  3. Depressed
  4. Guilty

3 nutty beliefs (Realistic Preferences):

  1. Awfulizing
  2. Shoulding
  3. Rationalization

The three nutty beliefs will further lead to 10 nutty beliefs:

  1. Worry too much about what other people think of you
    • Please others
    • Overly defensive
  2. Excessively fear of failure
    • Lack of risk-taking
    • Stagnation
    • Mediocrity

If you are hitting the bullseye every time you shoot, you are standing too close!

  1. Low frustration tolerence
    • impulsive reactions, premature quitting, nagativism, avoidance of responsibility, lack of perseverance
  2. Blame others

  3. Worry obsessively about things to happen

  4. Perfectionism

  5. Avoid responsibility

  6. Detachment

  7. Blame past experience

  8. Bad things/people shouldn’t exist

4.2.3 Others

Heartbreak is far more insidious than we realize. There is a reason we keep going down one rabbit hole after another, even when we know it’s going to make us feel worse. Brain studies have shown that the withdrawal of romantic love activates the same mechanisms in our brain that get activated when addicts are withdrawing from substances like cocaine or opioids.

Getting over heartbreak is not a journey. It is a fight, and your reason is your strongest weapon. There is no breakup explanation that is going to feel satisfying. No rationale can take away the pain you feel. So don’t search for one. Don’t wait for one, just accept the one you were offered or make up one yourself and then put the question to rest, because you need that closure to resist the addition. And you need something else as well: you have to be willing to let go, to accept that it’s over. Otherwise, your mind will feed on your hope and set you back. Hope can be incredibly destructive when your heart is broken.

4.2.4 Feeling Good

  • Depression is one of the worst forms of suffering, because of the immense feelings of shame, worthlessness, hopelessness, and demoralization.